Dear Mark,
Happy 6th Birthday my sweet, precious boy. I miss you so much, I wish I could say that time has healed all my wounds, it hasn’t, more like made my pain dull. Which I guess I should be thankful for as well. If I learned anything from this terrible experience of loosing you, is that you should never take anything for granted. I learned to not to stress out so much about insignificant things, but instead enjoy life with my loved ones and be thankful everyday for my life, my experiences, good or bad. I feel this has made me a stronger person, I made it through the worst time of my life and through so much pain and misery, I felt you holding me up my Angel. I know you are always with me and my love for you is everlasting. There were times I would think to myself how can I live through this, how can I go on without you, it was too scary to even think about. There is no word to even describe who I was. When a wife loses a husband she is a widow, when a child loses his parents he is an orphan, but what do you call a mother who lost her child? There is no word in a dictionary for such a loss and that is because it is too tragic to name.
Every night I stay up just thinking and remembering every one of your birthdays. What I would not give right now to be able to plan another birthday party for you. I think about each one of them so much. The first year we had Winnie the Pooh theme, the second Backyardigans, and your last one was Toy Story. We only had three birthdays with you and I will cherish them always. Each one was so special to me. I remember how excited I was to plan each party, to find the right decorations, stayed up at night to make it just right, perfect for you. I was so exhausted, and yet sleeping was out of the question, my level of excitement was just too great. I wish so much I could go back in time and experience those precious moments again. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to see you blow out your birthday cake candles right now. To see your chubby cheeks munching on the cake, to kiss your little fingers sticky with that cake. To give you a hug and tell you “ I love all the way to the moon and back to my heart”.