My Dear Marchyk,

 

I miss you terribly today. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t. However, the anniversary of your passing really makes my heart burst out of my chest with sadness . I feel like the oxygen gets sucked out of the room, when I let my mind wonder to that fateful day. I relive every single moment of it, and every day leading up to it. How can I not? That was the last time I held you, kissed you, hugged you, lay you to sleep. I wanted to write something happier, but the words do not come. Time heals all wounds, they say. There is no time long enough to heal a wound of losing a child, so why pretend. Yes, life goes on, and it should, but my life will always have you in it. You occupy my heart, my soul, and my thoughts. I can’t be happy or at least happier today, because I don’t have you in my arms, and I should. It is not fair, nothing about what happened to you was fair. We did everything we were supposed to, every treatment, every procedure, every tear that was shed, every pain you went through, we believed, to the very end we believed that you would be saved.  I asked God, no begged is the correct term, to spare your life. We lived on the oncology floor for six months in the hospital, I knew the risks. I was not blind to anything, but my heart would not allow me to accept anything, but you leaving that hospital with me.  In the end I felt you leaving, I knew you were ready even if I wasn’t, and the truth is I never will be. My love for you is what gets me through my darkest moments. I feel you giving me strength and uplifting me.

 

I want you and the whole world to know how much you are loved and missed. I am forever sorry that my love was not enough to save you. I will never understand why you had to go through so much pain on earth before you got to Heaven. I want you to know that your life and memories are honored  by so many. You will always be remembered as the brave, little warrior who touched so many lives, but to me you are simply the love of my life.

 

Love always and forever,

 

Mama, Daddy, Maria, Marta and Michael