My sweet son Mark,
Ever since you left me…..
I kissed your picture a million times; I sang your favorite song countless times. Cried a lifetime of tears. Begged God to bring you back to me. Prayed and kissed your headstone too many times to count. Released so many balloons for you. Yet, you are still not here with me. There are so many times that I swear I can feel you right next to me. This feeling is so real; I never want it to end. You come alive every time I watch your videos, every time I touch your toys, smell your clothes. It’s a flicker of a moment, my wishful thinking, and I see you right in front of me. I want this moment to last forever. I know that’s not possible. I think to myself, who can I speak to, who can turn my life back a couple of years? Who can I complain to? Who can give me an answer, why a perfectly healthy, energetic, beautiful, two year old boy, one day got sick? Who can make me understand how the most advanced medical care in the world could not save you? Who can I yell and scream at “why is my son not in my arms?” There is no one. I still have no answers, just more questions after all these years. “Why can’t I have you?’’ I pray that one day I will understand. For now keeping you in my heart is the only medicine that can heal it.
I miss you, Mark so much and I love you to infinity and beyond.